Mommies let’s be real, it’s a hard and stressful world out there. Between managing family, work, the baby, you’re bound to lose control sometimes and frankly, that’s human. However, sometimes this anger manifests in what can be an ugly way – yelling at your children. This may happen because of a lot of reasons – your kids may be acting out and not listening to you or maybe you just had a bad day and the outburst was a result of that. But the one thing that is common in all of these situations is the guilt that comes after you’ve screamed at them and the need to reconnect with them because you feel that there is suddenly a distance between you two.
A momentary loss of control can be excused but it needs to be followed with certain actions that will repair your relationship with your child and smooth out the kinks.
Here are some things you can do that’ll make everything normal again!
Let’s find out!
1. Calm down
Before you start any conversation with your child, step aside for a moment and take a deep breath. Having a conversation with your child when you yourself aren’t completely relaxed will only be counterproductive. You may end up losing control again. Get yourself back in control and if its taking longer, tell your child you need sometime before you have a conversation. Not only will you be more level-headed when you talk, your child will also learn from example and remember to control their reactions.
2. Remember that you are responsible…
… for your actions and reactions. The difference between that little child and you is that you know better. You know what’s good and what’s bad. The terrified look in your little one’s eyes when you scream is bad but mentally taking responsibility for your reactions is good. Taking responsibility for how you choose to react will make you more concious in the future and prevent such outbursts.
Apologizing is one of the best ways to make up. It’ll make your child feel better and they’ll also learn that it is okay to make mistakes. However, if you screamed at your child for a mistake, apologize for the way you talked for them so that they know that they’re still wrong.
Let’s take an instance. Suppose your child is refusing to eat the food you’ve put in front of them and are demanding you make something else for them. It’s been a tough day and you just want to go to bed. You don’t know how, but suddenly you’re yelling at them. When you apologize, it can be on the lines “I’m sorry that I reacted like this, I shouldn’t have screamed at you. However, making different food for everyone is a little difficult and I would really prefer it if you ate what I put in front of you.” This way, they would also know that this is something that is not acceptable to you.
4. Reconnect with your little one
The best way to do that is by spending some one-on-one time with them. Let them know and feel they are loved and appreciated. This way, they’ll be careful about how they behave in the future. Often, it’s the children who feel disconnected and distant from their parents who act out. Kids who are loved and talked to affectionately end up being more obedient so give them all the love you have.
5. Let what happened go
The easiest emotion that comes to parents is guilt. But to function and be happy, you need to let that go. Take stock of why you screamed at your child but forgive yourself for doing so. Children are innocent little beings and they’ll soon forgive you for being a little harsh with them but you need to do the same. Otherwise, you’ll be harsh on yourself and that may manifest in the way you interact with people around you.
6. Make a mental note of your triggers
Sit down with yourself and make a mental note of what it is that sets you off. It could be anything, big or small. Whenever you see something that will make you uncomfortable happen again, excuse yourself from the situation. This way you won’t react harshly and you will give yourself time to adapt to the situation.
Remember, little children are sponges. They absorb what they see and observe around themselves. It is our responsibility as parents to make sure we only present our best selves so that they grow up to be well-rounded human beings with patience, empathy, and affection for others.